Letter-Writing Week

Hello again. Time flies. This week was busy at work, and Thursday was Girl Scout night (cookie sales coming up). I felt good because I had pretty well stuck to the healthier eating plan, even if the scale wasn't reporting anything--yet.

Then I got a new digital scale on Saturday and weighed in.

Discouragement! I weighed the same that I weighed when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. Very upsetting.

So this morning I weighed, and the scale said I lost about 3lbs. That's what I felt like I lost. So yay!

One of my loseit.com friends suggested that I weigh at the same time when I do weigh in so that the fluctuations don't make me crazy.  Excellent idea!

The second week of January is National Letter Writing Week. So far, I mailed off two cards for relatives. Letter-writing is one of my resolutions. I was going to write last week, but never quite got going.

When I was a teenager, I wrote quite a bit to my grandma and friends, but I fell away from that as I got older. Then phone calls got cheap, and it was just easier to call people.

But there's nothing quite like the feeling of getting a letter or card in the mail. You open the mailbox and see something other than bills, and you feel a little excited that someone cared enough to send a personal note or card. You don't dread getting mail so much, since a letter might be in there.

So write your friends or family a letter. You never know how it might brighten someone's day. :)

More talking about food and stuff

Image via Wikipedia

Today I had to run to the big grocery store and get a few items for supper (pizza; not good for my goal of healthy eating), and fell in love with the organic aisle.

I love granola and found a package by Bob's Red Mill that I can snack on or add to my breakfast yogurt. In addition, I found some flax seed, which I've been reading aabout. I steered clear of the organic potato chips, however. :)

In the produce section, I noticed that there is a whole display of organic fruit and veggies. I normally shop at a local small-town grocery store and if it carries organic products, they are few and far between.

I am so excited to go back.

How has the healthier eating been going? Well, I'm four days in, and so far, I do feel somewhat better since I've quit eating donuts for breakfast. I haven't had that daily sugar crash I usually get. I know I was eating because I liked the texture. I am no longer quite as ravenous during the day or in the late afternoon before dinnertime.

Now, if I could just find some time for some exercise...

I've been drinking more water, too. Who knows, I might be feeling better just from that alone.

Talking about food and stuff

Image via Wikipedia

Soooo. last night I was totally exhausted and didn't write. oops. back on the horse today. So far, I feel I've been doing well with my goals, especially with breaking the junk food habit. I used to have 2 donuts and a diet soda every morning for breakfast, and this is the second day without the donuts. :) not only am I cutting calories, I'm saving money too.

I find myself thinking about choosing better foods when I shop, and when I eat, I take smaller portions. I also chew my food more slowly and really try to enjoy what I'm eating, rather than scarfing down my food because I'm starving.

I've also been letting the daily grind roll off my back instead of wishing I was elsewhere, or wishing worse things because I am dissatisfied.

Even though this only day 3 of my New Year, New Me, I still feel motivated and ready to follow through.

I joined loseit.com, for accountability and motivation. I would like to get a Fitbit tracker, but I want to make sure I continue to stay motivated before spending that money. Maybe for my birthday in June. :)

2012: Year of Awesome

Image via Wikipedia

I am so glad 2011 is gone. It has been a challenging year. Once again, I was followed around by the black dog, and when I sat down to reflect on my accomplishments in 2011, I couldn't think of anything, other than work. And as we all know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

As always, I have many resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. One of them is to pay more attention to my blog. :) A lot of my goals are the same as they have been for years: write more, spend more time doing creative things, lose weight.

So how did I do today, my first day of taking a new path? Well, it was hard. I could tell when I wanted to eat out of boredom. I didn't get enough water that I needed to drink today. But I did get through washing the laundry, and I cleaned up some trash in two different hotspots in the house. There are still many hotspots to clean, but I did get something done at least.

I am trying to stay positive and motivated. I have to fake it 'til I make it, because I absolutely cannot keep living this way. I will be 40 this year. I want to look back in December, and say yes, I did what I set out to do. I followed through. Following through is the hardest part.

for my grandma

Image via WikipediaI hid my tears with sunglasses, a pair of cheap black fake Ray-Bans, that I thought were so cool.

How could she be gone?

The cancer had finally killed her. Her bodily shell lay in the next room, but there was no way I could bear to see it. It wasn't her.

The her I remembered was still in the blue house in that small town, where we used to go on weekends, to have her babysit us while my parents had some quiet time. She would be in the kitchen, cooking up something we hadn't had before, such as creamed peas, or dogfood (round steak in brown gravy over mashed potatoes).

Or perhaps she would be sitting in her brown leather chair, working a crossword puzzle in the TV Guide. Quiet tones from the tv never interrupted our conversations.

I wish I could remember something specific, a bit of advice, that she had given me. I wish I had known her better.

Today, I remember sitting at that conference table, waiting for my dad and aunt to come out of that hospice room--the one I dared not enter. When they finally came, and told me of her last minutes, I felt no relief that her suffering was over. All I could feel was a deep emptiness.

I pushed those feelings so far down inside, to a place where the grief could stay hidden and locked up. It was more than I could bear.

21 years later, I regret the things I did not say--the things I didn't know how to say. I regret my own selfishness. I wish I could hold her lovely aged hands in mine, tell her I love her...

And tell her goodbye.

Dust Motes

photo from psychologytoday.com

Wow. A lot has changed around here since I wrote last. I need to investigate all the changes Blogger has made.

Another year has gone by. I am a year older, and maybe not so much wiser. I lost my job, but then got hired with a new company that does the same kind of work I was doing. I now work harder than I ever have worked in my life. LOL

DD will be in sixth grade this year. How can she be in sixth grade already? My own sixth grade days seem not that long ago.

The best part about time is that it heals all wounds, but lately I have found that I've been missing my grandmas, both of them. I don't know why they've been on my mind so much. I guess I just see DD with her grandmothers, and remember my own happy summer days.

DD and I went swimming at the local pool a weekend ago. It was so fun. She is old enough now to doggie paddle, so she was fearlessly jumping off the diving board. I was shocked that she wanted to try, but she saw other kids doing it--little bitty kids with lifejackets--and she must have decided that she could be brave and do it too.

How she has grown...

I feel like I've regressed in some ways. I haven't written for ages. I get so tired during the day, and when I come home, I just want to brain-rot with Facebook or the tv. Ugh. Same old story. Maybe my heart wasn't in it anymore, either. I have felt creative stirrings recently, and decided to dust the corners of this old haven and see where the path leads me.

The door is open...

all I have to do is step across the threshold.

Test post from my smartphone. Yes, I am now joining the 21st century.

V-Day

Sunday, a day of rest and reflection... well I at least rested, taking a 2 hour nap this afternoon.

Church was interesting this morning, with the readings and homily being about how a person has to choose the correct choices, or at least think very hard before making a choice.

I didn't do anything creative today, yet. I still need to write in my paper journal. I had such a busy weekend, with going to see Jeff Dunham, the comedian, last night. (The show was great, by the way.)

I also fixed stuffed chicken breasts (with the help of County Market) for supper, and a friend of the family had given us some red velvet cupcakes for V-Day. Yum!

Usually, DH and I get cards for one another on V-Day, but this year, we agreed that the comedy show was our present. (I've had the tickets since before Christmas.) I personally think that V-Day is overrated. I would rather have reminders every day that I am appreciated, such as a kind word, or a hug, or the chores done. LOL It's too easy to buy flowers and jewelry. It's hard to say those love words and sincerely mean them.

Tell the important people in your life how much you love them before it's too late. It's one thing I regret about not being in a demonstrative family. Other than in cards, I don't recall saying "I love you" to my grandparents before they passed away. Now, though, I try to tell other family members when I can.

But don't let the words become meaningless, either. Mean them when you say them. Damning with faint praise is worse than never giving praise at all, and so it is with love.